You Like Prequels, Huh? WELL HERE, TAKE SOME PREQUELS

Oh, you thought you were speaking in confidence to your friend over there? “Blah blah blah, I think it’s fun to see what happened before our favorite stories, it’s like the story behind the story, you know, I guess what I’m saying is I really like prequels.” I heard you. Well, listen up bud, you’ve ruined this whole flight with your incessant gabbing. And boy do I have news for you.

I’m a big time Hollywood Exec! So guess what, kid? You’re gonna get what you wanted. Oh, you’re gonna get it alright. I just greenlit forty prequel TV shows. Every heard of the monkey’s paw, kid? I’m going to punish you with exactly what you wished for – only now every single show on TV is gonna be a prequel. Hope you like prequels as much as you profess to, you little shit. Do I care that you’re eight years old? No, why would I? You’re an adult, same as me, and you couldn’t keep your damn yap shut on this flight. So, prequels it is.

Amazon’s much-talked-about Lord of the Rings TV show is going to be about young Aragorn. How young? Probably like 50, since he’s 87 in LOTR, but I guess he could be a teen for this one. What’s he up to? I dunno, tooling around with the Elves, presumably. Ranging. How will we make sure it’s good? I tickled Jeff Bezos a little and half a billion dollars fell out of his suit pocket, so we at least have that to work with.

Plus – and this one is really wild – the Batman fans are finally getting what they’ve been wanting for decades. That’s right: an Alfred prequel series. Batman’s butler, Bruce’s buddy, Mr. Pennyworth himself. The show will be on Epix, and will be made by the folks behind the CW’s Gotham, which ends next year.

Whoever’s running things over at DC has an interesting take on how to expand the brand. While the other guys are over there putting on an Infinity War, the DC stable continues to make weirdly small-scale TV shows. I’m not even saying that’s a bad thing, by the way. A ten episode series focused on a resourceful butler is such a different concept that I’m kind of in. My main fear is that it’ll just be like a young guy who talks British and tangles with the Joker’s grandpa, the Josher, or something.

Well, in any case, are you happy now? You ready to watch prequels every day for the rest of your life? I hope so, because if not, I’m gonna Clockwork Orange your eyes open so you have no choice but to watch. Hey, hang on – a Clockwork Orange prequel? Interesting.

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